“The Night of the Living Dead”: An Exceptionally Scary Halloween Story

October 31, 2008

Dr. FrankenTurbinStein

WARNING:  These photos are not for the faint-hearted.

It was a dark and stormy night as your editor drove down Main Street, Malone.

Passing the Malone Telegram building, he spotted a bone-chilling sight patrolling the sidewalk. An honest to God …

1.5 MW Wind Turbine

(We thought Howard pronounced a curse on these things, banishing them to the infernal regions of Clinton County!)

A screeching, low frequency, strobing, flashing, flapping, banging, bird-whacking, cigar-chomping 1.5 MW JP Morgan turbine Risen From The Dead.

Menacing passers-by.

Slaughtering bats by the gross!

Plummeting the value of the Telegram building.  (You couldn’t give that building away so long as that Turbine Monster was within 2 km.)

Afflicting Telegram news staff with (well deserved, you say?) scabs, sores, tired blood, and–aaah!–Wind Turbine Syndrome!  Plus, as a Halloween trick, MAD COW DISEASE!  (We checked with Dr. Pierpont to confirm the Mad Cow part.)

By golly, would you bellieve the editor of the Telegram, Connie Jenkins, strode out and confronted this Evil Force?  (We conjecture Ms. Jenkins, whom many have suspected of being a closet NIMBY, was berating the Monster-from-Churubusco for disturbing her sleep whilst she snoozed at her desk–insomnia being one of the signature features of Wind Turbine Syndrome.)

Imagine your editor’s terror when the Monstrous Evil Wind Machine suddenly turned its back(side) and revealed its true identity.  Aarrgghh!

Then with a screech (that sounded like a jet about to take off) and grinding and horrific banging (that sounded like a boot in a clothes dryer), the blade began to fly off!

Whereupon the scary Wind Monster went home for repairs.

The moral of this tale:  Think twice before inviting the Wind Monster to your community!

And remember, you never know what monstrosity you might run into on Main Street, Malone–on a dark and stormy night!